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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28588305">Tolerate It</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/2016Daisy/pseuds/2016Daisy'>2016Daisy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Barry (TV 2018), IT (Movies - Muschietti), Weekend Update (SNL)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Barry - Freeform, Bill Hader - Freeform, F/M, Original Female Character - Freeform, bill Hader fanfiction</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:14:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,224</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28588305</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/2016Daisy/pseuds/2016Daisy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A short story that follows a young woman and her life with Bill Hader based on Taylor Swift's "Tolerate It"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Tolerate It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is based on the song "Tolerate It" by Taylor Swift. It is a very sad, beautiful, and tragic love song and I recommend you listen to it if you haven't. Especially cause it's based on the lyrics.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Tolerate It"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I sit and watch you reading with your head low.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sit and watch you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I notice everything you do or don’t do.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’re so much older and wiser…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>There was a faint light from a lamp next to Bill’s bed that barley lit up the room he and his much younger partner were in. June, just shy of twenty-nine, noted the onerous silence that filled the space between them.</p><p>There used to be more conversation. There used to be a playful and animated sensation when they first began to date each other. Now it was five years in, and all June could think was that maybe she just wasn’t enough for him anymore.</p><p>He laid there, glasses slightly resting on the bridge of his nose and engulfed himself into the book he was reading while she stared and stared until she was sure he could feel a hole burning in his skin from her gaze. But he never turned to her.</p><p>
  <em>He just kept on reading.</em>
</p><p>She missed him. She knew things weren’t the same, and she knew that this kind of thing was expected after the honeymoon phase expires, but she never expected her insecurities to be brought out. Drowning from every lack of touch and every halfhearted look he gave her.</p><p>Bill was the older man that everyone warned her not to court. They all said she was too young, and that once it all expired, his seniority would eventually reveal every reason why leaving a relationship that had such an age gap would be beneficial. </p><p>-</p><p>
  <em>He used to be so fixated on her.</em>
</p><p>He would notice her across the room as she trailed behind another actress at every star-studded event that he loathed to be at. He noticed the clean-cut pantsuits, the phone in her hand as if she were ready for a call at any moment, and he noticed how focused she was.</p><p>He wasn’t sure at the time if she was a publicist or an assistant. The only thing Bill did know was that she was the only reason why he bothered to attend any unnecessary functions that he was invited to these days, and all he wanted to do was talk to her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>In the first year it was a quiet game of cat and mouse.</em>
</p><p>June had always taken note of where he was at award shows, charity events, and after-parties, so when she finally found a window to congratulate him on his first Emmy while she waited for the woman she was assisting backstage, she never expected a small interaction to lead to where they were now.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I wait by the door like I’m just a kid.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Use my best colors for your portrait.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lay the table with the fancy shit,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And watch you tolerate it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Now June set plates on a table that held every memory of the two after a night out. She’d see scratches from her fingers on the side when they couldn’t make it to his bedroom. She’d cover it with napkins, calling the marks unbearable to see due to the fact that the last time they had been intimate was months ago. All it did at this point was remind her that this relationship was no longer the same.</p><p> </p><p>However, June was still in love. She took every small note of affection and held it for as long as she could. She was still pining for him, doing everything that she could to please him. To make him remember why he chose to be with her in the first place.</p><p>She’d paint her sorrows on a blank canvas because she knew he had always admired her talents. She’d put every part of her body into it and watch him come home, glance at it for a moment, then walk upstairs to shower after a long day at work.</p><p>June knew he was tired and overworked. She knew how he was when he was stressed and ridden with anxiety. She’d comfort him when he needed her to, and distance herself when he wanted space.</p><p>It took everything in her to not say something. She wanted to cry and scream just to get some kind of emotion out of him, but causing any kind of fight at this point would be hopeless. She didn’t want to give him a reason to leave her, so she sat in silence and blinked back the disappointment forming in her eyes.</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>If it’s all in my head, tell me now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know my love should be celebrated,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But you tolerate it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Despite the lack of affection in this current household, she knew he <em>had</em> to still love her. There was no way that the man who did everything in his power to see her would somehow lose any feeling toward her in just a few years.</p><p>She knew this because there was still a look every once in a while. She wasn’t sure if she was imagining it or not, but hoped that it was real. The look was the same as the one he gave her when she first spoke to him.</p><p>-</p><p>“Congratulations, Bill.” She said, giving him a warm smile.</p><p>It was the way he glanced in her direction that took out any oxygen left in her body. It was like he was waiting for her to say something. And he was.</p><p>His eyes lit up, glancing down at his newly acquired award with a sheepish grin and then back at her. She saw the way he glanced around the room, trying to find the actress she worked for. Making sure that there wouldn’t be any distractions in the next few moments.</p><p>A reporter called his name, insisting to get his thoughts on his win, but he held a finger up and made his way to the brunette in front of him instead.</p><p>“Hi, thank you.” He said with a humble note of delight in his voice.</p><p>At the time, June could only stare up at the man as he towered over her. Stunned, and flustered over the fact that he was taking the time just to speak to her. She didn’t get star-struck often, but his calm and modest demeanor floored her. She had been around celebrities, she was aware of the egocentric personalities that were often attached to them. However, Bill was different. Everything about him was different. He even looked at her differently than everyone else.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She felt seen for the first time by a man who was seen by everyone else.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>And in the first few minutes, it felt like they had known each other for years. Witty remarks and genuine laughter overflowed the area backstage. Nobody could pull them apart at that point.</p><p>“So what’s your role here?” He voiced, still holding his Emmy at his side, still completely disregarded.</p><p>“My role?” She’d ask, head cocked to the side, blue eyes staring him down.</p><p>He took his time, smirking and quickly glancing at her figure before she could notice that he was checking her out.</p><p>“Yes, I see you a lot at these things, but I can never figure out if you’re a publicist, an assistant, maybe a… groupie?”</p><p>A spark of laughter escaped her, “I’m no groupie.”</p><p>Then she took in what he said.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I see you a lot at these things.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He <em>noticed </em>her</p><p> </p><p>“I’m an assistant.” She said plainly. Almost ashamed that she didn’t have a more glamorous occupation that could impress him.</p><p>But when he brightened up further, she realized that it wasn’t the case at all.</p><p>“Oh! Well, I need an assistant.”</p><p>However, Bill did not need an assistant, He already had two.</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I greet you with a battle heroes welcome.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I take your indiscretions all in good fun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sit and listen, I polish plates until they gleam and glisten.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’re so much older and wiser.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Somehow between their first meeting and the months that followed, Bill managed to convince the agency to hire her as his prime assistant. The other two he had were respectfully moved on to other actors who would need them more than he ever could.</p><p>He didn’t know how he was going to escape from the business-like-relationship, he wasn’t even sure if she would ever be interested in him in that way. All he knew at the time was that he wanted her around him.</p><p>June brought out a side in Bill that was unlike anything he had ever been before. He was stepping out of his comfort zone, taking risks, becoming less cautious. He was aware of the age difference, and knew the hell-fire that it would bring if anything came from their growing friendship. He was a smart man, but even the smartest men make desperate choices to achieve things they wanted most.</p><p>But June listened to him, doing everything he said out of admiration rather than obligation.</p><p>When her employment from him finally reached a year, it was summer.</p><p>By that time it was evident that they both had feelings for each other. When so much time was spent one on one, it was easy to recognize, especially to each other.</p><p>But Bill never said a word even though he saw the way she’d hold her breath when he would do something as simple as rest a hand on her shoulder. He observed the way she blushed and stuttered when he’d say a semi-flirtatious joke. One he wouldn’t make unless he was <em>sure.</em></p><p>June knew it too. Just as Bill did, she saw the way he glanced at her, looked for her in every room he was in. It wasn’t because he needed any kind of assistance from her. She managed his schedule, he didn’t have <em>that much</em> going on. He kept her around because he <em>wanted</em> her around.</p><p>On Thursday, Bill strode into his office at HBO where she sat quietly on a frayed red couch, studying the schedules and tasks for the next few weeks.</p><p>He stood for a second before she finally noticed him, earning an unhurried glance from her position on the couch.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I help you?” She asked, genuinely curious.</p><p>It was her job after all.</p><p> </p><p>Bill still stood there, not saying a word. Arms crossed over his chest, staring at her. He was contemplating something, she knew him well enough at that point to learn what each expression on his face meant.</p><p> </p><p>“Bill.” She enunciated, snapping him out of his pondering.</p><p>“Take a trip with me.” He sputtered.</p><p>June’s eyes furrowed together in confusion. There were many things that entered her mind in that moment, but most of it revolved around the meaning behind his statement.</p><p>“Like… as your assistant, or…” She trailed off.</p><p>Bill moved the papers that were on the couch to the floor and sat next to her.</p><p>“No, not as my assistant.” He was stern. She could tell he was nervous, but she also observed the stability in his voice. He must have known how she felt at this point.</p><p>There were a lot of things she could say. She had so many question, and needed to hear everything that led him to this, but only one word came out.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>While you were out building other worlds, where was I?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Where’s that man who’d throw blankets over my barbed wire?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I made you my temple, my mural, my sky.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Two years in and they were completely in love, grasping at each other in the shadows of every space they could crawl themselves into. They kept it triumphantly under wraps. No person could ever expect that their simple relationship was anything more.</p><p>The fear however, could never be ignored.</p><p>When she was wrapped around him in a hotel room she’d mutter worries into the air.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’m too young for you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I do not care.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>When she remained undetectable at red carpet events, he’d glance at her. Smiling and admiring her from afar.</p><p> </p><p>And when a man <em>would </em>see her, understandably taken with her, he’d quietly seethe in jealousy, bringing it up later in the backseat of an SUV, hand squeezing the inside of her thigh, lips pressed to her ear.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re mine.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I know.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Another few months would pass and people would begin to catch on to their unethical relationship. They began to pay attention, comment on the age difference, give Bill hell in the tabloids.</p><p>A man that did no wrong finally had a scandal surrounding him. He was riddled with fear, and she was pretending that she was used to the unwanted attention that she was getting.</p><p>At the time he wanted to do everything in his power to protect her. He knew how it looked, he knew this was his doing. She didn’t deserve the scrutiny that she was getting. She was twenty-three when they first met. He was the one taking advantage, putting her in a life that she was now stuck in due to the reality of his life.</p><p>He could let her go, but her life would still be changed forever. He didn’t want her to leave, and he knew she didn’t want to either. They would sit for hours discussing their frustrations, fighting over circumstances.</p><p>But after every conversation and every fight, the only conclusion they could ever come to was that leaving each other was not an option. The fulfillment of their relationship was worth all the chaos that was thrown at them.</p><p>And when they were alone in his home after a long and restless day, he’d ask her to marry her.</p><p>And she would say yes.</p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Drawing hearts in the byline.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Always taking up too much space or time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You assume I’m fine, but what would you do if I…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Break free and leave us in ruins.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Took this dagger in me and removed it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Gain the weight of you, then lose it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Believe me I could do it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>After everything they had been through, all that was left was June sitting alone in their home two years later, finally realizing the love that had been present was no longer the same. She had assumed that they had gotten past the worst of it. Once they got married, people stepped off. Began to see the relationship that they both saw from the beginning. In her second year of marriage, she assumed it was only the beginning.</p><p>In spite of her growing dreams of what better days could have looked like, she fondled the ring on her finger, contemplating leaving. They said they would never do it, but he never looked at her the way he used to, he didn’t touch her. She was still in love and consumed with the man he was. If she was stupid enough to stay, she would bathe in the misery of a love she believed was dying.</p><p>He was older, and he had already lived and experienced things. She could leave now and still afford to have a decent life to live. She cursed those she knew she proved right. The ones that scolded her for loving an older man, for not seeing the risks that would come of their future.</p><p>She believed that he no longer loved her, so what was the use of staying. She felt anger, remorse, sadness, and bitterness all combined into a growing flame inside of her chest.</p><p>She slowly took the ring off her finger and set it on the granite in the kitchen.</p><p>As she turned to collect a small amount f things that she had, she could hear the door unlocking at the front. He wasn’t supposed to be back for another day.</p><p>Fear caused her to freeze. She knew he would see her bags packed by the door, she knew that he’d know exactly what she was doing the moment he saw her face. She thought about going back and putting the ring on again, acting like she was okay. Make an excuse, but he could see through her lies.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And she was still frozen.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He walked into the room, eyes wide and alarmed. He gazed at her as she stood in the middle of the living room, clothes in one hand, another bag in the other.</p><p>There was another moment of silence as he looked around, finally seeing the ring on the counter.</p><p>“June?” He questioned.</p><p>It broke her heart to see the hurt on his face, and even though she had answers, she had no clue how to voice them.</p><p>“June.” He said again, impatient toward her silence.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” She confessed.</p><p> </p><p>And they began to argue. A wrath that rarely found itself in Bill came out, combating with June’s pleads. He used to be able to read her, but he was lost this time. Hurt and frustrated that she would leave him after everything they had promised each other.</p><p>He would see red for a while before five words escaped her mouth in front of him between clothes that were thrown in his direction.</p><p><em>“You don’t love me anymore.” </em>She sobbed.</p><p>
  <em>That was why.</em>
</p><p>And then Bill began to wonder why she would believe that he didn’t love her. He couldn’t understand it when his entire being revolved around her.</p><p>But he began to think and listen for the first time since he walked through the door. She would tell him about the past six months. His distractions, his reluctance to show her any affection.</p><p>And she was right.</p><p>But she was young, she hadn’t been married before. She was battling the anxiety. Listening to the voices in her head. He knew the fear that lived inside her. She wasn’t leaving because she didn’t love him. She was leaving because she was afraid that <em>he didn’t.</em></p><p>He had been so consumed with work that he had forgotten everything else. He had figured that her devotion was enough to keep her around. He never realized she would ever leave him. He figured he was safe, but even he should know that no relationship is ever safe. Not without the work. And he neglected the work needed.</p><p>It was then that he knew that he was at fault.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>If it’s all in my head, tell me now.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know my love should be celebrated,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But you tolerate it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>So he strode over to her, embracing her as her body shook. He held her until he could feel the tears falling from his eyes. He never cried, but this time it was all he could do.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”</p><p>As they sobbed and embraced, Bill dissolved his pride.</p><p>“I love you, I love you. Please don’t leave.” He pleaded.</p><p>Their embrace turned into consumption. Desperately clinging to each other, lips pressed at every inch desperate to prove their devotion.</p><p>He’d place his hands on both sides of her face, carefully moving his hands around as they continued to engulf themselves into each other.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>When it was all over, Bill vowed to never let a thing like this happen again.</p><p> </p><p>”I love you, Okay?” He’d mutter, blue eyes staring into hers. <br/>
<br/>
She’d smile softly, finally feeling the anxiety and pent up tension leave her body.</p><p><br/>
“Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>(Outro)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I Sit and watch you.</em>
</p>
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